| Aright man......Its been a while since I've updated. Alottas been happening lately. Its friday night and I'm not doing a damn thing...I don't really feel like chill'n w/ smaniggahs 2night. I kinda just feel like chillin @ home... EHY! How the hell did my cousins find my Xanga dood? shhhhhhhiiiiit!!
This past week has been pretty uhhhhhh..........crazy if you will. Not the good kind of crazy either. Just crazy. I can't really say what the crazy is about but it got alot of shit stirred up that shouldn't have ever been tampered with. I've just been doing alot of thinking lately, esp. about her. Im sure you all know, but for those who don't theres this girl thats really special to me. I never thought that the girl that caught my eye during an Highland Info Night in 8th grade would ever be such an impact on me. I can't believe how close I feel to this girl. At times I even find it a little scary but then again, when Im talking to her on the phone or when I'm with her, EVERYTHING is better. Times when I've had some pretty rough moments with MY family, Christina always left her window open for me to have someone to talk to. Even @ times, I can recall a L-O-N-G time ago, almost freshman year or so , Christina would tell me about her problems all in which were all very deep and the way she would describe it all would make her portray herself as a person who was very "mad at the world"/ depressed even morbid at times. This is what intrigued me SOOO much about her and what I recall intently wanting to find out MORE about this girl because I knew , I fuckin knew, knew by the way she would laugh, or or during our however many hour long/till dawn approached conversations we had on the phone or online , or the way Christina would smile which to me is so beautifully blinding which I also think she got from her equally beautiful Mother WHICH I did not mean in the MILFY way , I knew she wasn't all about that. I knew she was a much more wonderful person in the inside...and all she had to do was embrace it, the way she really wanted to. And gratefully she has. She has soo much that Christina herself noticed her change for the better. No more baggy pants, no more cussin(as much ), just plain dresses and "giggles" from what I hear and see . And on top of ALL of that, Christina told me she felt the same passion for me as I for her. To know that she feels the same as I do was one of the greatest feeling that I couldn't explain. Thats when I started to get thoughts of meeting her parents, but those thoughts were shot down by Christina, and Christina's close friends explanation of how she was to have minimal relations with boys. Christina even once getting in trouble for merely "crushing" on a friend of her brothers. But thats where I made the mistake. Those stories shouldn't have let me deter from what was right. I should've formally introduced myself from the beggining. If I would've in the beggining, I thought earlier, our whole relationship wouldn't have been hidden in such secrecy. If I did, maybe I would'nt have caused so much greif and anger to her and her family for it has, from what I've heard, has apparently become such a blow to the family. I say "from what I've heard" because I have'nt had ANY contact with Christina for 4 days now prior the incedent of her brother's discoveries. Im not sure if this seclusion is her intent, but I was already informed of her personal well-being which is "good". "GOOD" is good enough for me, for now, considering the situation, but WONDERFUL is the state that Christina deserves to be in. Maybe this seclusion is for the best for the both of us. Maybe it would make her family happy, which would make her happy, which would make me happy. I have to say, what a journey Christina and I have been through: From the moment I first glanced at her that night in the Library to now, at the point of disrespectfully angering her family. As of this past week, these events have been apparently changing the way Christina feels about me, though I truly will not know until the fleeting moment I get to speak with her and hear her voice and word. Whatever change she feels, good or bad, MY feelings for her have not been tainted by any source. But if in fact Christina and I get through this whirlwind of a mess and everything is normal and a plus, our relationship will ONLY become greater just as we've become after the obstacles we've overcome in the past together. A week ago or so, my cousin came over to use this computer and burned a CD that had a variation of that clown John Mayer's tracks in it. Not only did she burn it on a CD but onto my hardrive as well. I've just found these tracks on my media player and I'm not at the least bit fond of his music, but for some reason for 2 hours now I've been listening to his songs and I've been wondering why these songs are so soothing to me. Christina ADORES John Mayer, and on those times when I'd pay her a visit she would always have his songs playing while we talked, read through her old baby books, and picture albums endlessly until I left. I didn't realize how extremely relaxing these songs are to me then now. Right now, If anyone is familiar with the band INCUBUS(shame on your ass if you don't) the song titled "I MISS YOU" perfectly describes how I feel about her every day I don't see or hear her. What a person Christina is to me, and yet its seems that I've caused her so much grief. I know that I constantly talk about her in this XANGA but this time I hope you all can hear me out. Thanks for reading this LONG entry and its getting uhhh Early?
Till Next time. - Gerry
|
Drop me a message, leave me an email, do something to let me know kipasa. You know who you are 
